He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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