Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
