My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
