I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
