At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
