how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
