Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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