This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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