we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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