also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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