We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
