There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
