Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Barsexuality is the new black.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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