I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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