Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
