One girl and one boy is just not enough.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
