someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize