I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
