i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
