Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
