I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
