His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That's when you crack a 10am beer
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
