On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
