So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
