Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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