Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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