i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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