are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
