Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
