What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We have started to decorate penises.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
