i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
