Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
