Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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