Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize