I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
