There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
