I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize