watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
