youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
