How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
