My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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