Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize