i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did i walk over a car last night?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
