I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
one might say we're banned from that church
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
