I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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