Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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