i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
