What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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