Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
