During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He passed out mid-signature
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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