I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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