I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
