3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
