Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
