you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
