I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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