I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
