Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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