Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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