Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
