if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
