he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
