the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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