just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
honey bunches of taint.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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