Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Girls should come with a carfax report
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
