do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
