If that was your dad, he is hot
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
