I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
