gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
