Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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