I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
