My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
