at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
