better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
