What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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