All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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