..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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