I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize