Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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