My nipple is on Facebook.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
