i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
